Establishing a family and rhythms, hygge and digital detoxing.

Last week my husband and went away for our “plan B” honeymoon. No, it wasn’t the traipsing around the UK but let me tell you, it was just what we needed. It was full of rest, relaxation, and also planning (which for me is also restful). In some ways, it was probably a better honeymoon than the original because while we had already been married for three months, the time between June and September was dominated by wedding things and so for the first time as a married couple we got to think about things like establishing married rhythms, what our collective dreams and goals were, and what we wanted to do for our first married holiday season. We set some values for our family (The BA Jantzis) and we realized that while weddings are nice and we loved both of ours — the best part was just beginning.

You see while we may carry the Jantzi name, we’re not like any other Jantzis out there. We may have some similarities and choose to pass on some traditions and values but we’re not his family, nor are we mine. We both are influenced by our families of origin — but we’re creating and establishing a brand new one. A family that is unique and set-apart for God’s glory.

Our current family motto is: His glory and our joy. Adrian has it engraved in his wedding band and I have it on a necklace he gave to me on Sept. 19. What it means is, that we ask ourselves, with almost anything life throws at us, does this decision bring God glory and joy to us (and those around us)? If the choices we make are not glorifying to God, we don’t want to make them. But we’re also aware of our tendencies to be “yes” people and commit to too much, so we want to also make sure that we’re walking in areas that actually bring joy, that we’re serving out of callings and not just doing things to do them. Joy is different than happiness because joy isn’t dependent on how we feel — rather it’s grounded in who God is. So while some of the things we may do bring joy as well as happiness, we aren’t chasing a prosperity Gospel or even “happily ever after,” rather we are wholeheartedly chasing after the things He has called us to, even when they bring trial and pain because joy transcends all of that.

Establishing a new family is hard. It requires taking the time to go through your own life, preconceived ideas, baggage, etc. and laying it out on a table with another person and sorting through it all. It requires humility and grace and heaps of vulnerability and yet, it also brings so much life. It forces you to look into the future and dream with God about what kinds of things you want your family to be known for and what you want your legacy to be. It’s a deep dive into worldview, beliefs, values, and traditions and because Adrian and I are huge nerds — it was really fun.

We also talked about establishing daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual rhythms — both individually and also as a family. We talked about quiet times and exercise habits, Sabbath and dedicated work hours. We talked about retreats and how to spend our money. We talked about community and people to learn from as well as invest in. We talked about play and about work. We talked about goals and steps to accomplish them and we made plans. Essentially, we made a Rule of Life. If you’ve never heard of a ROL or have one for yourself — huge plug here. Just do it. Check out Bridgetown’s resources and implement one. It’s been one of my favorite practices I’ve adopted.

Two of our biggest takeaways from our honeymoon and this planning were: hygge and digital detoxing. You can read all about hygge here. Essentially though, we’re planning to focus on savoring life, enjoying and celebrating the small things, and creating a space where that feels safe, cozy, and welcoming to others as we dive deep into community. It also leads nicely into our next takeaway: digital detoxing.

There is no doubt we live in a technological world and while there are ample benefits, there are also serious issues. We don’t want to be a family dominated by smart phones, social media, and the endless binge watching of Netflix. We want to read, play games, hike, bake, listen to music, explore deeply, and honestly just be. So for the month of October we’re detoxing, primarily from social media since we do need computers for work and technically some of my cameras are also digital. While it may not be hard and fast — like a strict detox, our focus will be to eliminate the temptation to disengage and distract and instead be present and to savor the life we have been given. In some ways it seems like the easiest decision ever and the break last week was amazing but it does also feel hard. Societal pressures to share your life with people add up. Some people only communicate via social media so you can feel like you’re loosing those relationships. But if we’re honest, we don’t want to be people who comment on FB and Instagram and call that a relationship. We want to be people who do life with others and when we’re with them, prioritize them and the present moment.

So that’s our plan. I’ll still be blogging. But I can share directly to FB from Squarespace so while I won’t be able to read any comments there, you can expect some content. For example, Books I read in September and likely Books I read in October as well as some things on film photography, memories, and anything else I feel compelled to share. But until then, feel free to text us, ask us to hang out, don’t be offended if we can’t — we want to live slowly this fall as we establish this new family, not moving out of rushing around, compulsion, or guilt. We want to embrace the “unforced rhythms of grace” that Jesus demonstrates for us and spend a whole lot of time abiding with Him.