5 Reasons to Get Married Before your Wedding Day

Well folks! It’s official! We are a month away from our wedding celebration and while some may call it a “sham wedding”, pretty sure it was a joke, I can personally say I’m still incredibly excited to celebrate!

Deciding to have a “minimony” in June was something we went back and forth on for months. COVID obviously threw a wrench in our 2020 plans in so many ways (goodbye international travel) but ultimately, I think this route was the best decision for us. So without further ado here are 5 reasons to get married before your wedding day! 

If none of these apply to you, and you had a normal wedding day, that is awesome! These are just benefits we found that could be helpful for others planning a wedding! :) 

1. Minimizes stress.
   Look, planning a wedding is already stressful enough. Weddings for some reason, bring out some of the worst (and best) in people and for every amazing human who has offered us their house, is making us kombucha, doing wedding hair for free, etc. there are also the people who also cause additional and unneeded stress. And that’s okay. People are people. I’ve been there. They forget that your wedding day isn’t about them and that’s pretty much par for the course with wedding planning. BUT when you have to couple that with the intensity of engagement season and the stress of becoming one flesh, that is just a lot. I mean, I don’t know, because I didn’t do that, but I can tell you that I had a lot of emotions and feelings about getting married in general, probably also exacerbated by some external forces, so dealing with those emotions primarily alone (I’m an internal processor) was incredibly helpful. Being able to think and pray and journal without fielding questions about centerpieces, food, and when we’re getting ready on the day, was such a gift. I got to prepare for the emotional, spiritual, and physical changes that were happening in my life without worrying about also throwing a party and that is a gift that I will forever cherish. The day we got married I had breakfast with my mom, went thrift shopping with Adrian, and got to get ready while listening to worship music alone. It was the perfect day with the perfect weather and I got to hike a mountain and promise my life to my best friend. Couldn’t ask for anything more.

2. Your wedding night is enjoyable.
   I’m going to be as delicate as I can about this because people can be prudish and that’s okay. But, we were virgins when we got married. And honestly, nearly every book given to us on the subject talked about how virgins shouldn’t even attempt to consummate their marriage on their wedding night because weddings are exhausting. But on the flip side, if you’ve been waiting, you kind of don’t necessarily want to wait too much longer so you’re in this weird zone of choosing to just wait one more night or choosing to rally and just go for it. None of these are bad choices, I’m just thankful we didn’t really have to make either choice. We got to have a relatively stress-free day, get married, and drive off into the literal sunset and enjoy being married. As an internal processor, I can tell you that if we’d had a proper wedding, the two hour journey to our Airbnb would not have been enough for me to fully talk through our wedding day. It would have come up in the middle of other things because my brain just works that way. So instead, I got to get everything out, because really there wasn’t a whole lot to discuss, so by the time we arrived, I was relaxed, slightly nervous (because again, virgins) but ultimately thankful for choosing this avenue instead. 

3. You can continue the party.
   A lot of times people travel from all over to attend your wedding and the actual event is a whirlwind. I know because I photograph weddings for a living. The bride and groom are whisked from place to place barely getting time to enjoy themselves, let alone with any out-of-state guests. Some people throw brunches the next day which is brilliant. But, for virgins, that’s kind of awkward. The last thing you want to do, the day after you’ve had sex for the first time, is run into someone you know. Especially your parents but even, for me, anyone. If you’re not a virgin this point is moot, but basically by having our minimony we’re now able to have brunch and spend more time with friends the Sunday after because it’s not weird anymore. We’ll have been married for 86 days by then and everyone knows that. So we can roll up to brunch like any other couple and have more conversations with the people that mean a lot to us and thank them once again for coming to celebrate with us. We can also have an after party the day of and stay up way too late, laughing and enjoying our friends and family. If you’re going to celebrate, really celebrate, you know?

4. It’s intimate.
   Elopement or “minimonys” get a whole lot of flack and as a photographer, I really wish they wouldn’t. Not only do you have the freedom to be as creative with your venue as possible (Yosemite, backyards, Iceland or more), it also gets to be wildly intimate. As an introvert, I prefer smaller gatherings. I would have eloped from the beginning. Marriage and the covenant that goes along with it is an incredibly intense and emotional thing and to have to walk through that all with scores of people watching just really overwhelmed me. It’s vulnerable to commit your life to loving someone else until death. It’s weighty to leave and cleave and create a new family unit. None of this is blasé and for me, important, serious things aren’t best shared with everyone but instead with few trusted folk. Now, I do love everyone coming to our wedding. But, in the same way that I wouldn’t tell everyone at our wedding that I was pregnant before three months passed, I didn’t need everyone there to witness something so serious. We had our parents, our pastor and his wife, and a lovely family from church to help with worship and also just love us! :) We knew these people loved the Lord, would keep us accountable, and would encourage and spur us on towards one another and Christ. We celebrated with a slightly larger crew afterwards but I’m still really thankful for the intimacy of that day as we ventured into a new phase of life. We’ll still cry in September as we share more personalized vows and sentiments, but the weighty covenant stuff, we’ll keep hidden in our hearts, shared with few. 

5. It’s Biblical.
   I’m not saying the other way isn’t Biblical. So let’s not read what I am not saying. But, in the Jewish culture that Jesus was born and raised, they celebrated weddings in the order of covenant, consummation, and then celebration. And that’s what we got to do! Although we did slightly celebrate in June, our real party was to come. And honestly, this in-between phase of our married life, the one between marriage and our wedding day, has given me a greater appreciation for the anticipatory phase we live in as Christians, waiting for that celebration feast. It’s lovely and fun and wonderful but it’s not the same. The Kingdom of God on Earth right now is wonderful but it’s not the same. Not yet. Brokenness still runs rampant and while we are called to be a light in darkness, that’s still not the same as the light reigning freely on Earth. And more than ever, I’ve been able to really understand and appreciate more and more this “now and not yet” world we live in as I also live in the “now and not yet” of our wedding day and marriage. 

So would I recommend getting married before your wedding day? Yes. For these and so many reasons more. 

Ultimately though, I suggest doing what is best for you and your partner-to-be. Don’t do something just because “that’s how it’s done.” Do it because it’s what you want! Marriages are about the covenant vow between you, your spouse, and God and weddings exist to celebrate marriages. So get married early. Or don’t. But either way, choose what’s best for you, because you’ll never regret doing the thing that brings you joy.