Peacemaking vs. Peacekeeping
At the beginning of the year I joined a Bible study with a few friends from church. We all worked in the same area (or together!) and we’d meet before work at 7AM to discuss the book of James. Yeah, we know. James can be brutal. You want a nice, happy, Christian women’s Bible Study? Don’t read James. BUT, if you want to be kicked in the pants repeatedly and allow iron to sharpen iron, read James. Because while it has been painful to see my own sin displayed week after week, it has also been SOOOO life-giving to be free from some serious chains and allow the Spirit to continue His work of sanctification. Pain is a good thing sometimes. It brings growth.
One of the concepts we talked about was being a peacemaker vs. a peacekeeper. We’re doing the brilliant Jen Wilkin’s Bible study so credit where it is due, because that woman is a powerhouse Bible teacher. Little did I know, at the start of the year, that this Bible study would prove important for this heavy season of life we are collectively experiencing. But God did! He’s good like that. And never has there been a time, nationally, but also personally, where I have needed to become a peacemaker not a peacekeeper.
So what’s the difference and why does it matter?
Both Jesus, in Matthew, on the Sermon on the Mount and James talk about being peacemakers. The Greek word used in Matthew is eirēnopoios which can also translate as one who restores peace and reconciliation between persons and even nations. In James, it is a verb of action, to put into practice peace. To be a peacemaker is to choose conflict resolution and reconciliation. It puts others ahead of yourself and provides and active way forward, focused on the long-term health of the relationship.
A peacekeeper is passive, avoids conflict and isn’t interested in solving the root of the problem but rather chooses harboring bitterness or selfishness to avoid the hard solutions. Peacekeeping is never actually mentioned in the Bible once. (At least not in my NIV study Bible).
There is a lot of strife in today’s world. It seems more than ever we are pitted against one another and while it may be wiser on a large scale to be a peacekeeper and ignore ignorant social media posts, we cannot do that when it comes to relationships. We have to choose the hard road of peacemaking rather than keeping when it comes to the people we love.
Why? Because it is a command.
Jesus tells us if we have an issue with another member of the body, we are to leave the place of worship and be reconciled to them before coming back to worship. It’s so serious to God that we reconcile, that He puts worship of Himself on pause for us to deal with our sin towards one another. He also reminds us that there is not a limit for how many times we are commanded to forgive one another. Jesus commands forgiveness and love even to the point of us loving our enemies. I know. It’s radical. And it’s challenging. And it’s really hard to live out. But that’s what we’re commanded to do.
It’s important to note that while I don’t mind conflict, I am not great at this. I often let bitterness grow, especially when it relates to people I’m either intimidated by or don’t care enough about. I know. Not a great look, but it’s true. If I don’t care enough about having you in my life, I’ll very often choose the easy way out and not say anything because if we grow to not be friends, I don’t lose anything. Conversely, if I’m intimidated by you I won’t say anything because I’m scared of losing your friendship. But if I love you a lot, you best believe I’m going to choose to make that peace rater than keep it because frankly, you’re far too important to me. Typically this happens after I’ve royally screwed up. There isn’t anything quite as humbling as admitting you’re wrong and you have failed, BUT there also isn’t anything quite as restoring as having people respond by working through issues with you and growing in relationship together. To be met in grace, mercy, and love in response to your sin is literally to receive the Gospel in your everyday life. And honestly, who doesn’t want that? Why wouldn’t we choose to actively participate in an activity that helps us be more like Christ and exemplify Him to others?
Short answer, we’re selfish. But! Christ died so that we might be set free from the bondage of sin and live in peace with one another! So let’s die to self and choose to make peace with those around us!
It is important to note that there are some serious sins people can commit against us. I’m not talking about those. I’m talking about unkind comments and rudeness, small sins of the tongue that can destroy relationships without reconciliation.
So how do we do this? Here’s some ways I’ve found to be helpful.
Peacemaker if you’ve sinned:
Be so immersed in the presence of God that you allow yourself to recognize your sin and repent to God first.
Be humble. Be honest. Be apologetic.
Explain your sin. Ask for forgiveness.
If the person you’re apologizing to is also a peacemaker - you get to work together towards something even more beautiful than it ever was before.
If they are not — you’re stuck. And it sucks. And all you can do is pray. Because you can’t make someone want to reconcile with you. Trust me. I’ve tried. All you can do is pray that the Holy Spirit works in their life and that they choose making vs. keeping, reconciliation instead of harboring bitterness. Love instead of pride or fear.
Peacemaker if you haven’t sinned:
Make sure you’ve already forgiven the person in your heart.
Be humble. Be honest. Explain your hurt and pain.
Express your forgiveness and offer to work through it with them.
If they are a peacemaker - you get to work together towards something even more beautiful than it ever was before.
If they are not — give them time and space to be indignant, upset, etc, with you calling them out on their behavior. Pray that God works in their lives and hope that they turn from peacekeeping and harboring bitterness into peacemaking.
This isn’t an excuse to be petty. But it’s also not an excuse to ignore things that may be creeping in and eroding your heart. Even if it feels small, if it’s bothering you, say something. Because the enemy will take any foothold we give him and he will capitalize on it.
As Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
Let’s not shy away from awkward conversations because we’re worried about what people might think of us. Let’s not be defensive either. Let’s meet one another in grace and love as we pursue peacemaking instead of peacekeeping.