Marriages and Weddings
We’re getting married on September 19, 2020. Rain or shine. COVID-19 or no COVID-19.
It’s not an act of defiance against global pandemics. It’s not because we don’t love our family and friends. It’s not even because we’ve chosen to wait and anything more than eleven months would be too long. It’s because we believe marriages aren’t about weddings, they’re about something much greater.
Let me just say, if you’re engaged and planning a 2020 wedding and the idea of not being able to celebrate with your friends and family breaks your heart - postpone. Do what you need to do. Every couple needs to do what is best for them. This is just what’s best for us. It is by no means a dig on anyone else. We fully support everyone and their choices and we love all of you dearly.
A wedding is a beautiful, symbolic event that marks and celebrates the beginning of a marriage. It includes a ceremony, which is often full of religious significance and illustrations and ends with celebration, which can be simple and short or rage into the night.
As a wedding photographer, I have experienced the joy of a wedding countless times. I love weddings! I love the silly moments and the serious ones. I love first and last dances. I love it all. But a wedding is merely an event. It signifies something greater and longer lasting. Weddings point to marriage.
A marriage is a lifelong covenant between two people. It’s “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” and everything in between, even COVID-19. It’s daily self-sacrifice as you serve your spouse. It’s the joining of two individuals into one. It’s beautiful and mysterious and meant to be a picture of the Gospel.
While I was not immune to the cliché of dreaming about my wedding day, I can say, with Adrian, it’s always been more about the marriage. Picking colors and decor for our wedding day is fun, but dreaming about life together is what lights us both up. It was actually in the middle of a conversation about what we both felt like God was calling us to, that we changed the status of the relationship. Being able to love and support Adrian, to cry with him and cheer him on, to pursue Christ daily with him - that’s what I’m looking forward to the most. That we get to be on a team together until we pass from this life into the next - that’s what we want more than the “perfect” day.
Which is why we’re not letting a global pandemic prevent that. Yes, we wanted a wedding. Yes, we wanted to celebrate with friends in a ceremony rich with the Gospel. Yes, we wanted to eat pizza and dance under the stars while playing trivia. And we will do that, whether in September or not, whether we’re celebrating after the fact, or not.
And it turns out, if we end up celebrating after, we’re in pretty good company since that’s how Biblical weddings were typically performed. In ancient Jewish culture, weddings didn’t follow the modern day timeline, instead they were performed: covenant, consummation, and celebration and it’s actually in that structure that we get to fully understand the Gospel as represented by marriage.
Contract or Covenant - The bride would choose her husband and because they were a patriarchal society, her father would sign a legal contract with him and once that contract was signed - the couple was married but they hadn’t consummated the marriage.
In a better, fuller, way, God made a covenant with humanity and sealed that with Jesus’ death and resurrection. When we are in relationship with Him, we enter into that covenant relationship but because Earth isn’t our final resting place, we’re still waiting for the consummation of that covenant.Consummation - Ancient Biblical weddings had a lot of really interesting ways to celebrate this stage of marriage ceremony including a “proof of virginity” cloth and the groomsmen waiting outside the room. What really matters here is how it points to Jesus’ second coming. It points to Him coming to us to take us home to Heaven away from the brokenness of Earth.
Celebration - After the couple consummated their marriage - there was celebration and often that lasted for multiple days. Jesus’ first miracle was actually at a wedding celebration as He turned water into wine to help the family continue to enjoy their celebratory feast. For Christians, we see that in Heaven we get to celebrate for eternity in perfect union with God. It is going to be amazing!
The Gospel points us to eternity with Jesus. It doesn’t just end with His death and resurrection. We get to live with hopeful anticipation for the day where He calls us home into eternal celebration and what a glorious day that will be.
Modern weddings aren’t celebrated in this order and that’s okay. It doesn’t diminish their symbolism or significance. Conversely, neither does not following the traditional order of modern weddings diminish their importance. If COVID-19 means our wedding ceremony goes through stages 1-2 before moving onto 3, then so be it. If it doesn’t and we follow the Western tradition of stages 1, 3, and then 2, that’s okay too. The important thing here isn't so much the order of stages 2-3, it’s stage 1. It’s that covenant vow, that represents death to self and serving the other at great cost. It’s daily living out a minuscule example of what Jesus did on the cross. That’s what we’re looking forward to and that’s what we’re not postponing. We’re too excited for the transforming power of the Gospel to be manifested in our marriage. As Tim Keller describes it, “marriage is designed to make us holy” and we can’t wait for that. We’ve seen a small taste of that throughout our friendship and engagement but we’re ready for the full-on, death-to-self, encouraging each other to future glory part of marriage. After all, it’s the reason we decided to date.
Unlike most people, we didn’t start dating because we were intrigued by one another and wanted to get to know each other better. We started dating because we realized this incredible friendship that had grown over three years and ensuing killer teamwork wasn’t fulfilling its full potential by limiting it to platonic love. In order to become the people God was calling us to be, and to best be on mission for Him, we knew we needed to take the risk and change the rules of the relationship. Which meant, deciding to date was really deciding that this friendship would be best when it evolved into marriage. We weren’t going to date because we were merely done ignoring our attraction to one another. We weren’t going to date because we spent nearly every hour together. We were going to date because we knew God had something special for us in marriage.
I didn’t fall in love with Adrian because he’s incredibly handsome, although he is. I didn’t fall in love with him because of how adorable it is when he gets really excited when explaining something that he kind of forgets anyone else is around. I fell in love with him because of the simple ways he puts God and others first. I fell in love with him because of the way he values Scripture and loves to help others appreciate and understand it. I fell in love with him for the ways he sacrifices his time to serve others. I fell in love with him because of the way he dove right into his new church community and was vulnerable and honest while sharing the testimony of what God had done in his life. I fell in love with him because of his generosity. I fell in love with him because he was a man that loved God and loved others in the most genuine ways, not seeking recognition or fame, just humbly serving. I saw God working in his life and wanted to encourage Adrian to future glory. At first I didn’t care if that ever meant we’d get married. I just wanted to cheer him on towards Jesus. Now I get to as long as we both live and that is the greatest honor of all.
So come September 19, 2020, we’re getting married. Rain or shine. COVID-19 or no COVID-19. Because we’re just too dang excited to be teammates and partners and honor God together as husband and wife.
If this view of marriage is new to you or you’re interested in hearing more about it - Tim & Kathy Keller have written an excellent book, “The Meaning of Marriage.” Whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married - It’s highly recommended. You can get a copy here. Or you can listen to the sermons it was based on here - start with the episode on November 1, 2019 and go until November 25, 2019.