Letting Jesus Win
You know those days where everything kind of changes. The days that mark a shift in your life. I had one of those days on May 5th.
I was working at a conference, taking photos, feeling stressed and overwhelmed because on top of working the conference, I had some other responsibilities on my plate, like deep cleaning my house and trying to be there for some younger girls. So by the time evening rolled around I was done. Exhausted. All I could focus on was trying to find contentment in Christ and not think about all the little ways I'd probably failed that day.
We were nearing the end of the prophetic ministry time. I was encouraged and excited about what God was speaking to my friends and oh so content that He wasn't speaking directly to me. It was a cross-cultural missions conference after all, I knew that wasn't my area of mission.
But God doesn't really care about the boundaries we put on things. He does His own thing in His timing and sometimes He speaks, when you least expect it.
The final person to share that night was the main speaker. He's an awesome man from Birmingham, UK and I'd never met him before that evening, never seen him before that day. He started his ministry time with explaining that sometimes it can be hard for people to see everyone else receive prophetic words from God and feel like they're missing out when they don't. He encouraged us instead to be excited for our friends and pray with them. That wasn't a problem. I didn't want a word. I didn't want to be singled out. I didn't want to probably cry. In all honestly, I think I just wanted to go home.
But God had other plans.
One minute I'm imagining the comfort of my bed and the next thing I know, "the young lady with the camera" is being said and I'm called to the front row. But before he shared with me, he made me sit there, in front of EVERYONE.
I could feel the eyes of my pastor from the side, concern and care radiating from him. I could feel the eyes of my boss and teacher at the back, just absolutely excited for what God was doing. Both of them knew this was my worst-case scenario; I'm not a center of attention kind of girl.
So I waited. I tried convincing myself that I wasn't going to cry. Maybe it was a happy word. Maybe I was going to be able to go back to Germany. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
But I knew that wasn't true. God doesn't put you in the worst-case scenario for a simple happy word. It was going to be life-giving truth and I was going to ugly cry.
There are things in you that God's given you, some of this is around leadership, and it may look different from how other people think it is - doesn't matter, I just want the word leadership to be heard. And so you may find yourself out in the front a little bit in some situations and it may be ministry like this but it may be in a group, but you're the one making the call.
Because God has given you influence and you kind of know that. But because of times when you've messed up; you don't want to mess up again. (CUE SOBBING) And you don't want to put yourself out there. And that's why you hate doing this, but that's why I felt God say, "Get her to do it." Because He's calling you out. And you don't have to be perfect. And you don't have to get a job well done. That's His job. He gets the well done. What He asks us to do is to trust. And to obey. And when we trip and fall just to go back to Him.
And you know how to trip and fall but there is so much grace.
And God's gifts are gifts. And that's what He wants you to get: it's a gift. It's yours.
So stop holding back because you think you'll get it wrong.
Stop holding back because you think you don't deserve it.
Stop holding back because you think no one is going to respect you.
Stop holding back because you're scared they'll reject you.
Because your Father has called you and made you and gifted you and He's going to give you what you need.
You need to surrender and don't let fear win. And don't let other people's expectations define you. But keep pursuing Jesus.
This isn't a word about being a better leader.
This isn't a word about being more professional.
It is a word about stopping fighting and letting Jesus win. And getting hold of grace again.
I know some people don't believe the gift of prophecy is for today. I'm not here to debate that. I'm just hear to share what God spoke to me. Let's not argue about the vessel it came in or the validity of that. Because regardless, it's all truth.
God has placed me in a position of influence. I don't understand it at all but it's true. He has called me to be a leader, I'm not always sure why, but I've been faithfully stepping out and actively pursuing this call on my life.
And I have messed up. So many times. In HUGE ways, like when I got kicked off my internship after high school or in small ways when I respond sharply with unkind words and attitudes.
And I did let those times lock me in fear and I was holding back. But ultimately, and this is where the word applies to all of us - God's grace is so much bigger than our past mistakes.
Let us surrender to Him and His call on our life. Let us pursue Him wholeheartedly. Let’s let Jesus win and grab a hold of the freedom that is living in His grace.