Recently, I heard a sermon about the words we use. The sermon was referencing the story of Jephthah in Judges 11 and how his hastily spoken words had dire consequences. The message was excellent and it also referenced James 3 which is the “taming your tongue” passage. And I was reminded once again, that words have consequences. Words we speak out loud, words we write on the internet, and even words we speak to ourselves.

I wish I could say I’m an expert at controlling my words. But I’m not. At all. I’m maybe not a “You are a rude, impolite, unfeeling woman!” level of uncontrolled, a la Anne Shirley — but my ill-timed words have gotten me into trouble more often than is advisable. It’s a work in progress. Thankfully, I’m married to the world’s kindest, most patient man. Which means he listens to my bemoaning and encourages me to turn to Jesus. He responds to any short remarks with grace and mercy and he reminds me to slow down — physically —  which in turn helps me slow my emotional responses. He also speaks truth over the lies that fill my head.

It’s no secret over here that I struggle with my mental health. Not with anxiety but with depression. And there was a time, not so long ago where constant thoughts of self-harm and death played on a loop in my head. There are still moments even these days where those thoughts tempt me and while I’m equipped now to battle them, it’s really hard to fight those urges when your mind is a constant loop of lies; lies that came from hurtful words. Words directly spoken to me, indirectly spoken over me, and lies I’ve told myself.

I’m not here to talk about lies. They suck. But they’re just that: lies. They aren’t true. They have no weight here. They are distractions. Nuisances. Pesky midges that try to distract you from the beautiful truth in front of you. No, I'm here to talk about our words. Especially, in the digital age, and why we should guard them.

Coincidently, this is something I’ve been meditating on for a while — hence the silence on this blog. Are the words I’m typing following 1 Corinthians 13 or am I a clanging gong? Because the reality is, we can be as right as rain and be speaking truth but if it’s not being delivered in love, we're making a resounding noise. And I know I harp on this but I can’t help it. We were called to be radically loving and often that starts with our words. And because this is a blog on the internet, I want to talk about the words we share in the digital sphere. 

I think when we think about all the Bible verses that tell us to guard our tongues — we forget that social media didn’t exist when the Bible was written. So we think, if we’re polite in real life, we’re fine. The words we type on the internet are different, right? We’re not culpable for the things we hit send on that were sent in frustration, unrighteous anger, and malice, right? It’s so easy to hide behind our digital screens and react to the things we see instead of choosing to respond. But our words have power, even the ones we type, and we’re told to guard them. We’re told to not let any unwholesome thing come out of our mouths.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen...Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:29-32

I’m not perfect at this. At all. Especially when I see other Christians profane the name of God. My self-righteous little know-it-all comes out and I want to correct people — not because I love them — but because I want to be right. I want to show off my knowledge. It’s wrong. It’s sinful. And realizing it has actually given me helpful pointers I’ve started to adopt in my online writings — whether that be writing on this blog, responding to social media, or even in emails I craft. 

1. Am I responding to something or reacting? If I’m responding, it means I’ve given myself time to answer a question and respond in kindness and compassion, to try to embody 1 Corinthians 13 in my response if needed. If I’m reacting, I’m writing whatever my emotions want me to write and almost never is that pretty. 

2. Is my writing truthful? Social media makes liars out of all of us. We all wear some form of a mask, try to maintain superficial relationships with everyone, and often comment things that aren’t even true! I know I have! Why? To save face, to be polite, because everyone else is, etc. There have been so many times I’ve half-heartedly commented a “congrats!” on someone’s post that I either barely know or aren’t actually excited for and while it’s not an unkind thing to do, it’s also inauthentic. Authenticity is one of my values so for me to do that, is to lie. And that might be fine for you. You might genuinely be happy that your friend from summer camp back in 6th grade had their 4th child, and if that’s you —go off! Get it! Congratulate them, share that joy! But for me, it would be fake so I have to remind myself to check my heart for truth. Is what I’m saying true or is it dishonest?

3. Is my writing kind and loving and edifying? Because let’s be real, if it’s not — I can just log off, delete, etc. and stop. If it’s not kind, loving, or edifying it’s just not worth posting. That doesn’t mean it has to be encouraging to someone specifically. You could share something super scientific like details about the birds you saw on your nature walk, or a recipe, or whatever. But the question really becomes, why am I sharing this? Why am I commenting this? Is it to share something I love and therefore share a part of me with the world? Is it to educate people on local wildlife or a fun new recipe or teach something in some way? Or is it because you want people to be impressed with you? Is it because you want attention and likes and comments? Is it to start dissension? Is it to show off? What’s the heart motive and if the heart motive is clear and I am expressing it in a kind, loving, and edifying way? Because you could be burdened over the state of the world and genuinely want others to understand the gravity of whatever issue breaks your heart but if you’re not using words that speak love, not only do you undermine yourself, you’re also noise. For example, I’m passionate about human trafficking and last summer was simultaneously frustrating and hopeful for me. It was frustrating because a lot of misinformation about human trafficking was being spread but it was also hopeful because a lot of people were talking about an important subject. And I’m fairly confident I didn’t navigate those conversations well. BUT, I know I did when I shared about it at my church a few years ago. I know because I remember my heart for that message was to educate people but also try to share God’s heart for the marginalized. It wasn’t about shaming people for utilizing fast fashion or watching porn, or buying non-fair-trade coffee — no, the point was to highlight brokenness and try to apply the Gospel. The point was to help bring the Kingdom of God to a world in need. 

And friends, that’s really what our words are meant to do. They are meant to help usher in the Kingdom of God because that’s what we’re meant to do. We’re ambassadors of Christ, we’re a royal priesthood, we’re Children of the Most High and our words should reflect that. The words we speak to one another in person, the words we speak over one another, the words we speak to ourselves, and even the words we write on the internet. 

So let’s do that! Let’s bring the Kingdom of God to even the internet. Let’s be slow to anger, rich in love, and forgive abundantly. Let’s respond to one another with the same mercy and grace that Christ showed us when He willingly took our sin and shame on Himself, and died on the cross for us.