One of the most heartbreaking parts of Harry Potter is when Sirius Black dies and you realize that whole scene at the Ministry of Magic could have been avoided if Harry had listened to Snape and practiced his occlumency better. See occlumency protects against legilmency which in muggle terms is mind-reading. Legilmency is actually a bit more sophisticated than that and essentially Lord Voldemort tricks Harry into thinking things are going down at the Ministry. Harry because he’s an impulsive Gryffindor bent on saving the wold - risks the lives of his friends and himself and faces Voldemort under a farce. Sirius dies.

When I read it I cried. Not only because Sirius was my favorite but also because it could have been avoided. If Harry had more control over his thoughts - none of this would have happened.

But if I’m being honest - I can be like that too.

2 Corinthians 10:15 reminds us to “take our thoughts captive” so we can make sure they’re obedient to Christ. Our thoughts can sometimes be our biggest enemy.

Recently I read Turtles All the Way Down by John Green and never has a book I’ve read explained Obsessive Compulsive Thoughts and what it looks like to be trapped in your mind so well. While Genesis definitely helped - controlling my thoughts are a daily struggle and I can often succumb to weakness like Harry. I don’t have OCD or anything diagnosable but that’s probably because I’ve never actually been to a doctor. But my thoughts spiral. And I can co-ruminate on some negative things.

Recently this has been a serious battle. Lies are coming at me constantly and threatening to become reality. Lies like, no one likes you. You’re friends don’t care. You’re useless. No one hears you. You can’t do this. You’re a failure. You’re too much. You’re ungodly. You have no right to do the things you do. The list goes on and on. The thing is - I know how to fight them, just speak truth. But like Harry didn’t practice occlumency, I’m not taking my thoughts captive and replacing lies with truth. 

The heartbreaking thing about this is - because of Harry, Sirius died. Harry’s inability to practice what he needed to, ended in sorrow, pain and ultimately death. When we don’t take our thoughts captive and let them spiral and let lies become reality - we are living in bondage that Jesus already defeated. It’s painful and can be deadly. We were created for more than that.  

I am so much more than the sum of the lies I believe and I owe it to myself to practice self-control and stop letting outside circumstances dictate my feelings or mood. I can actively choose to respond to situations in a healthy manner and ultimately I can actively stop my brain and fix it on Jesus.  

Because who He says I am is all that matters.