Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
 ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬

I’m really bad at resting, like impossibly bad. I don’t think I’ve always been this way - when I was little all I did was read books and explore the world. These days though, resting feels like a sin.  

My to-do lists are too long. People want to see me. I have dreams I need to work toward. Life is too short for frivolous books. Wade deserves a walk. The list of excuses goes on and on and on. Probably to infinity. There is always something I should do.  

BUT

There isn’t always something I HAVE to do. Things can wait. People can wait. I don’t always have to be so serious. Wade can play with Marshawn - in fact he’d probably rather. Who doesn’t love to wrestle with their little kitty brother?  

While we are not required to Sabbath in the same sense that the Jews were, under Mosaic law, we have to rest sometimes. It’s not legalistic and I don’t think it always has to be on a Sunday or whatever, but we cannot survive if we don’t stop and rest.  

I’ve been reading Jen Wilkin’s book, None Like Him and essentially the book highlights the ten ways God is different from us, aka His incommunicable attributes. The nice thing about Jen’s book is not only does she explain the differences - she applies them really practically and has questions for consideration at the back. 

I’m only two chapters in - Infinite and Incomprehensible - but the more I’ve been reflecting on God’s infiniteness and incomprehensibility - the more I've been struck with my finiteness and simplicity.  

I don’t have an infinite amount of love to give. I don’t have an infinite amount of grace or mercy or kindness or anything. I have a limit. And yet very often do I try to exceed that limit. I wear myself so thin that I’m literally scraping at the bottom of the jar with a freaking spatula trying to still pour myself out to others.  

Last week I hit a low. I was at Target - a place that usually brings joy and happiness - and I was wandering the aisles on the verge of a massive breakdown. Tears were welling. I was so broken, so exhausted and so at the very end of myself. So you know what I did? I continued on as if everything was fine. I pushed through a challenging event, literally a shell of myself. It wasn‘t until like 9:30PM when I was sitting down watching Parks and Rec with a friend that I allowed myself to breathe. But keep in mind  - I’d of course vented and worried and stressed out prior to finally sitting down. 

I didn’t take my burdens to God and rest.

This attitude of stress continued through the weekend - despite having a fairly relaxing Saturday with berry picking and best friends. So come Monday morning, I strained my back. To the point of painful walking. But did I then finally stop? Nope. I didn’t even take pain medicine. I pretended everything was okay. I went and lifted. I went to work. I walked around a mall for hours. So by Monday evening on my way to Bible study - I was hunched over and “walking.” God bless my kind friend who gave me a lift, lovingly scolded my inability to take care of myself and took me to Walmart after Bible study to get biofreeze, pain meds, and a heat pack. Today, my back is still in pain. My boss told me to take the day off and rest. And I promise I’m trying. My PT friend said my back pain is probably intensified by my stress. So while I can rest physically and stretch and do all the good things for it - what I probably really need to do is wholistically rest. 

Physical stillness is hard. But admitting I can’t do it all for everyone and need Jesus - is somehow even harder. I’ve been reading Jess Connolly‘s book, Dance, Stand, Run with some friends - I read a lot of books. In the second chapter she talks about grace and there were two things that stood out to me.  

“...when we run as far as we possibly can from relationship with Him - toward independence, self-sufficiency, and what seems to be good to us - that is sin.”

“We tell the people around us that we can continue to be counted on and trusted to meet their needs, overlooking our own need for God.”

Guys, that was me. I was living the lie that I could do it all on my own. I was being Martha to the nth degree. And Jesus was saying - Hey Becca, come to me - I will give you rest. And I ignored Him. 

I don’t think God allowed my back to be hurt in order to teach me to rest. But I do think that He’s using it to teach me about rest. In my physical pain and forced rest - He’s reminding me to just give it to Him. To lay down my burdens at His feet and humbly rest in His loving arms.  

So to all the people who have tried to talk to me or want to hang out and to all my responsibilities - I’m sorry but I’m going to try to rest more. I may not respond right away and I may start saying no, without an explanation. Just a no. 

God’s calling me into a season of a lot of work and hard labor. He’s trained me, He’s redeeming my brokenness and now He’s calling me to go into the places He has for me. To do that well - I need to rest. I need to go to Him.  

So to my co-leaders - guys I know you‘ve been worried about me. I’m sorry. Keep me accountable in this. We need to rest if we‘re going to fight the good fight. And I’m bad at this. I’ll be a brat. I’ll make excuses ad naseum but please persevere.  

And if you’re like me - and you struggle with resting. Let’s listen to Jesus’ words together: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Let’s go to Jesus and let Him give us the wholistic rest we need.