I was on Spotify a few months ago, in the midst of my counseling process and came across this song, Kia Kaha, by a church in New Zealand. You can listen below. I wasn't really paying attention to the song until I heard the Māori words, "kia kaha, kia māia, kia manawanui." 

Ever since I watched The Fellowship of the Ring when I was 11, New Zealand has been on my heart. When I was 18, I had the opportunity to live and serve there. It didn't end up quite the way I had anticipated but during those six months I fell in love with the people and culture of New Zealand. 

So when I heard a worship song with Māori, I got really excited. Especially because besides just being a New Zealand worship song, it was really encouraging for what I was going through. 

The lyrics are simple, but they are full of truth. 

Oh not my will but yours be done
Reveal the will of the father
I trust, I trust, I trust you Lord
I trust you know it all for me
Kia kaha, kia māia, kia manawanui
Be strong, be steadfast, be willing
You are more than enough for me
You're more than enough

This song has become my prayer these last few months. 

My prayer isn't for happiness or my desires. I want God's will for my life. This applies to every area. I know praying for a husband is normal for people my age, but I don't want people praying for that. I want them to pray that I would walk in God's will, whether that includes a husband or not. If God determines it's best for me to be single for forever, that's what I want. I want Him to reveal His will to me. 

Why? Because I trust Him. He knows what's best and He's good and He, in and of Himself, is more than enough for me. 

I wanted to remember this song, especially after finishing the Genesis process. I wanted to remember to put all my hope in Him.  I wanted to remember His will is ultimately what is best for me. I wanted to remember He is more than enough for me. But I also wanted to remember to be strong, steadfast, and willing. 

I got that Māori phrase tattooed on my wrist over a scar I had from when I cut myself. I wanted to cover a physical reminder of my hopelessness with truth and a mandate for my life. 

Kia Kaha - Be Strong
This phrase is an encouragement that was used during WW2 in a Māori battle song.  It's less about about being strong alone, but rather a reminder to one another to not lose hope. I want to find my strength in Christ and never lose the hope I have in Him. When the temptation to self-harm flickers in my brain I can look down and remind myself that's not who I am anymore. I can remember that I have the God of the universe on my side and He loves me. I am worth more than what I might believe in that moment and I can call on Him for the strength to not do the things I want to do. 

Kia Māia - Be Steadfast
Paul tells us that life is a race. Genesis reminded me that healing is a process. As we live in the now and not yet, we have to remind ourselves to be steadfast. We cannot give up, lose hope or waver. We find our strength in Christ and we lean on Him as we stand firm in this crazy world. For me, it's faithfully retraining my brain towards healthy patterns of living. It's trusting God when my survival instincts tell me no. It's being faithful in the little things. It's choosing Him over me every day. 

Kia Manawanui - Be Willing
My life verse is Galatians 2:20, it's also the only other thing I have tattooed on my body. For those of you who don't know it - "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I love this verse because not only does it sum up the Gospel, it also reminds me of my purpose. I no longer live, but now I live by faith in Christ. That means I give up my selfish desires and ambitions and submit myself to His will. I want to be willing to do whatever He's called me to do. I want to be willing to serve overseas in dangerous countries or willing to stay in New Hampshire my whole life. I want to be willing to give up selfishness and get married and I'm willing to serve God alone my whole life. I want to be willing to give everything I have if He asks me to. 

So now, I have two physical reminders that my life is not my own. Reminders that I am loved and saved by the Son of God. Reminders that He lives in me and His power is in me. Reminders that I can find my strength in Him, that I can trust and hope in Him and that His call on my life is better than anything I could come up on my own.