I wrote the below post in September of 2015 and while parts of it are dated - the truth of Scripture remains the same. 

Recently I’ve been struggling. Don’t we all? My particular struggle has been with being single but not in the way you’d expect. See I’m actually not looking for a boyfriend. I have a lot of emotional scars that should be healed before I enter into any romantic relationships. So I’m focused on healing right now. Instead, I’ve been struggling with being single because most, if not all, of my close friends are romantically taken. So while they’re off snuggling their boyfriends, husbands, fiancés, or out meeting new people and dating, I’m at home watching Netflix with my dog and cat. Don’t get me wrong, as an introvert there are few things I love more than “Netflix and chill” with my boys. But there are days when even introverts struggle. We see Instagram posts or we see status updates or we send out text messages and get “Sorry, I was doing such and such with my friend/boyfriend/fiancé/husband.” in response and we get lonely. It isn’t our friend’s faults. They have lives and that’s important. We’re still lonely though.

But in my loneliness I’ve been sinning. I’ve been considering taking shortcuts. I’ve thought about taking charge of my situation and just “finding a boyfriend”. Surely, I can’t be that repulsive right? Someone out there will want to date me. Maybe. I could go look anyway. What would be the harm in that?

Just to be clear, this isn’t a non-dating post. My sin wasn’t in wanting to date. My sin was in not trusting in God. And maybe you think I’m being to harsh with myself. I don’t think I am. If I was truly to trust God, I would trust Him in all aspects, including my loneliness. No human could ever fill the hole that was in my heart anyway. Only God can. And He does. I knew that and yet I searched for alternatives anyway.

Then I read my Bible. And God kindly, but firmly, reminded me that even when I’m treating Him like crap and forgetting Him, even when I’m bitter toward Him and absolutely undeserving of His love, He is continually with me.

But when I thought how to understand this,  it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end….When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73: 16-26 (some verses omitted)

I read that and I was overwhelmed. Guys, this is huge. EVEN WHEN WE ARE AWFUL, GOD IS STILL WITH US. I’m sorry but I doubt many of you could say the same about your friends, significant others, parents, etc. When we treat human beings like crap, they tend to respond as most humans would. They can be hurt or even attack back. What does God do? He loves us. He’s always with us. He’s patient. He’s kind. He’s the epitome of love because He is love. How crazy is that?!

That wasn’t even the kicker for me. The real kicker was, “Whom have I in heaven but you? and there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

“Nothing on earth I desire besides You.” Nothing. Yeah. That wasn’t true for me. I was desiring more friends. I was desiring different friends. I was desiring companionship. I was desiring a relationship. I was desiring to fill the loneliness in my heart with something of this world. I wasn’t desiring Jesus. I love Him and I enjoy worshiping Him and going to church and I’ll follow Him around the globe if He asks me to, but in my heart, I wasn’t desiring Him.

Needless to say, that’s been something I’ve been working on. Because the next day, as if to really remind me of this revelation, I read this in the Bible.

“Let your heart therefore be wholly true to the Lord our God, walking in His statues and keeping His commandments, as at this day.”  – 1 Kings 8:61

“Let your heart be wholly true to the Lord.” My heart wasn’t wholly true to God and He knew that. So in case I forgot in the 24 hours that had passed, He reminded me again.

Guys, we’re weak. We’re human. We fail. But God still loves us. He’s with us. And He wants our hearts to be wholly true to Him. We’re not going to always be right on this. But can we try.